time is FLYING by!!

well it's been a while since i've updated. i've been to my first OB appointment and so far everything is looking good! i'm still measuring exactly what i should be (to the day!) via u/s and we actually saw the baby move!! it's SO unbelievably awesome! i still haven't gained any weight which is fine since i started off about 50 lbs overweight. i should only gain about 12-15lbs this whole pregnancy which is just fine with me! i'm still having kidney problems. my urologist thinks that

A) i did have a stone (i passed something blood colored and crystal like a while back but didn't really think it was a stone) and now it's gone.

and

B) being pregnant has just put a huge strain on my kidneys and i need to watch myself to make sure that i drink enough water every day.

they'll be able to do more testing come october, but as for now i'm stuck just running to the ER if i have another attack. fun. i just hope that i go back to normal after the baby is born.

i've been missing my mom a lot lately. it's SO hard to be pregnant and not be able to share that with the person who gave you life. i have faith that she is up there in heaven watching over me and my baby, but i just wish i could call her up and talk to her about what it was like for her to be pregnant, etc. my dad doesn't remember what things were like when mom was pregnant with any of us. in fact he doesn't think mom shared much of that with him. *sigh* i wouldn't wish losing a parent on my worst enemy. it's probably THE hardest thing i've ever been through. i don't think i'll ever get over it.

ANYWAY...i had a dream the other day that i had an u/s and we saw boy parts! granted matt and i aren't planning on finding out the sex, but i'm getting all excited b/c i've had a feeling from the beginning that i was having a boy. we'll see i guess. i don't care what we have so long as he/she is healthy. of course i want at some point to have at least one of each, but i don't care what order they come in. i also had a TERRIBLE dream this morning. i dreamt that i had this lump on the side of my stomach and we realized it was the baby. i kept having this feeling that i had to push something out, but i tried to hold it in. when we got to the hospital i reached down and there was the umbilical cord. i ended up losing the baby and man i have to tell you, when i woke up from the dream i was about to start crying b/c i thought it had really happened. i was so sure that i wasn't pregnant anymore and that i really had lost this little baby. man, i sure do miss my pre pregnancy dreams. they were usually not so real (most of the time i didn't even see things in my dreams, rather i just hear a story). since i've been pregnant they have been SOOO incredibly vivid and real. i'm seeing things: people, surroundings, even color. hell sometimes i even taste AND feel things! it's crazy. for some dreams i like it, but for dreams like this one i would much rather have my old way of dreaming back.

i have my next OB appointment on may 1st and i really REALLY hope that they do another u/s, but i highly doubt they will. oh well, at least i hope they find a heartbeat on the doppler. last appointment they couldn't (but i was only 10w1d) so they took me in for an u/s just to be sure. i know i'll have something to reassure me that he/she is doing well in there. i also just scheduled my BIG u/s for june 22!! i'll be 21 weeks by then and i can't believe it!! time sure does fly!




becky